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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836582">My Dude (Dad!Sackler)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather/pseuds/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather'>in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Girls (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:15:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836582</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather/pseuds/in_chains_and_flesh_and_leather</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of hooking up with Adam Sackler, accidentally getting pregnant and learning to live with him and the new reality of your life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Sackler &amp; Reader, Adam Sackler &amp; You, Adam Sackler/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="body-text">
  <p>
    <br/>
    
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>*</p>
  <p>Like most people, you’d always heard lore of those nights when you go out for no good reason at all, usually tired and up for nothing, just to get someone off your back or just for one drink, that somehow turn into the most epic nights of your life. Nothing like that had ever ever even remotely happened to or around you. But that’s the thing about nights like those: you don’t see them coming. And they always only happen to others until they happen to you.</p>
  <p>*</p>
  <p>It was the closing night of some play, the name of which you didn’t even know. Apparently, you had worked on it a couple of times, doing the makeup for some girls, between your other 82 gigs. Your friend insisted you come by and go out with the cast and crew because everyone was so stoked they even managed to do a full run and he promised it would be a good time.</p>
  <p>With nothing better to do and no excuses to give, to agreed and decided to come by a little late, so you wouldn’t be noticed. You were hanging around a block or two away when you bumped into some prick’s bicycle and got your pantyhose snagged on it, making them run.</p>
  <p>Annoyed, you went into some corner store, hoping to find clear nail polish to fix it, stuck behind two very excited guys buying rolling paper, lighters and some other paraphernalia. The taller of the pair turned around, seeing you bent at a strange angle and holding a finger to a spot on your leg.</p>
  <p>He looked you up and down several times, no sense of decency or time and place, making you struggle to hold in an eye roll.</p>
  <p>“Hey.”-  he greeted as if you already knew each other. – “Need a hand?”</p>
  <p>“No, dude. Thanks.” – you said, no real gratitude in your voice.</p>
  <p>He smiled lopsidedly. - “You might as well take those off now, I’ll just rip them up later.”</p>
  <p>A snort escaped from your nose and mouth before you could stop it, that had to have been the cheesiest line you’d ever heard. – “Okay, noted. That’s not a creepy thing to say to a stranger at all.”</p>
  <p>“I will.” – he shrugged, self-satisfied. – “You’ll see.”</p>
  <p>“My dude.” – you sighed. – “Wherever you go, I’ll make sure to go in the opposite direction.”</p>
  <p>“Doesn’t matter. I’ll see you again. Tonight.” – he stated way too confidently just as his friend finished up and started heading towards the door.</p>
  <p>You suddenly felt uneasy, this easily could have been a veiled threat of some kind. As your nail polish was scanned and you paid, you craned your neck to see where they were going and if the tall guy was looking back at you. Once you were sure they were gone and he wouldn’t follow you, you went in the other direction, taking the long way to the party.</p>
  <p>*</p>
  <p>You arrived at the party even later than you were expecting, making your way through the animated thespians and techy nerds, looking for your friends.</p>
  <p>After a drink or two, some tepid conversation and a tiny bit of drowsiness kicking in, you decided to wrap up another subpar night out and head home. As you turned to leave, a wall of a guy jumped out in front of you, saying – yelling - hi.</p>
  <p>You genuinely screamed, the momentary surprise turning into real fright as you recognized the guy from the store earlier. How the fuck did he find you? You definitely turned to look behind you about 45 times as you walked here.</p>
  <p>“Relax, nobody followed you.” – he guessed your concerns from the look on your face, laughing it off. – “I was in the play, I’m Adam. You did makeup a couple of times, that’s how I know you.”</p>
  <p>“Did I ever do you?”</p>
  <p>“You’d remember if you did.” – he winked, shaking some hair out of his eyes.</p>
  <p>“Jesus.” – you breathed out, annoyance finally winning out over fear, punching him lightly for messing with you.</p>
  <p>“Something to drink?” – he produced a glass of something out of nowhere.</p>
  <p>“No, I was actually about to leave.”</p>
  <p>“You can’t go yet, it would be a shame to miss a great party like this.”</p>
  <p>“It’s not a great party, sorry. That’s why I’m leaving.”</p>
  <p>“Excuse me? No, no, you’re just with the wrong people. Take your drink, come with me and you’ll see.” – he put the glass in your hand, taking the free one in his and walking ahead of you, pulling you close and holding your arm around his waist with both of his as you weaved through the crowd. Okay, my dude, I get it, you’re shredded, there’s not need for this.</p>
  <p>*</p>
  <p>You stood in a circle with some of the actors from the play passing around several joints and 40s, telling stories about the run. Apparently, some girl sucked the understudy’s dick, thinking he was the main guy and he let her, feeling no guilt, because that was some racist bullshit not to tell the difference between them. Another guy performed several scenes with his jacket tucked into his pants after using the restroom and his date was in the crowd. On one of the nights, some kid had been violently ill and they had to make the call of whether to keep performing or to let someone clean up the mess right in the middle of the second act. You listened to this and other stories, downing several drinks and taking a few hits, while Adam refused everything, slowly getting cozier as you got tipsier and leaned on him for balance.</p>
  <p>“Hey, why don’t you drink anything? I’m the only one getting fucked up here.”</p>
  <p>“No, I don’t do that.”</p>
  <p>“A teetotaler?” – you laughed at the idea and he joined in.</p>
  <p>“No, nothing like that.”</p>
  <p>“Then what?” – you asked, fixing him with your eyes.</p>
  <p>“I’m… in AA.” – he admitted, surprising himself. Why would he tell you that? Was he trying to cockblock himself?</p>
  <p>“Oh. Then what about weed?” – you didn’t miss a beat, alcohol and THC lowering your inhibitions.</p>
  <p>He looked at you disapprovingly as he thought about the idea. – “No, I don’t… know. Feels like that could trigger me.”</p>
  <p>“Ah. Okay. Well, then I’m gonna head out. I’m not gonna be the only one with impaired judgment here…” – you shrugged and started to walk away, Adam hastily grabbing the joint and puffing a massive hit, one arm blocking your way.</p>
  <p>You were very surprised he did, since of course you agreed that an addict shouldn’t be playing around like that. But fuck it. It was done now. He put another joint behind his ear for later, borrowing a lighter from his friend, and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, taking you away from his friends.</p>
  <p>*</p>
  <p>“Told you I’d rip these up later.” – he gloated, pinning you against the wall, legs around his hips and tearing your pantyhose into shreds.</p>
  <p>“God, you sound like death.” – you laughed in your drunken haze, not realizing you were talking out loud.</p>
  <p>“What?” – he asked, taking a break from slobbering up your neck and tits.</p>
  <p>“Sorry, nothing.” – you shook your head, pulling him in for a kiss. He kissed you, but pulled back, wanting to hear your logic. - “There’s this story about death scaring a merchant in the market in Bagdad and laughing when he ran away because he would take him that day in his home.”</p>
  <p>“I know. Appointment in Samarra. I read that Samara from The Ring was named after that.” – he informed you, tossing you on the bed and resuming what he started against the wall.</p>
  <p>God. What an actor, you rolled your eyes at his comment, but you quickly moved on when he settled between your legs and you blacked out for the night.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>The last few days were truly hellish.</p><p>What you expected after waking up in a stranger’s apartment with a brutal hangover and dry cum between your legs was maybe a well-deserved UTI or please-god-no-I-swear-I’ll-never-do-this-again-just-don’t-give-me-an-STI.</p><p>But a baby? Fuck. It never even occurred to you.</p><p>This was not supposed to happen to adults. If you were gonna get impregnated by some moron and stranger, it was something that should have happened at 17, not now when you were a grown ass woman.</p><p>Besides, ugh!</p><p>New York was overrun by wannabe actors, directors, fucking comedians, writers… People in their 30s riding scooters, pretending to have jobs. One tenth of one percent were good.  But most suck. Hard. If New York weren’t  the greatest city in the world, it would blow because of them.</p><p>And now you fucked yourself over by getting pregnant by one of them. Great.</p><p>The first thing to do was decide whether or not you would keep it. And the pragmatic you, the staunch feminist and selfish brat all agreed to axe the kid. Sorry, cluster of cells, you gone go bye bye. I got other fucking things to do.</p><p>But the moment you decided on getting the abortion, all you could think about was the endless potential this little guy or gal had. Who knew what they could become? Could you really, now it was nobody’s decision but yours, decide not to give this baby a chance to live?</p><p>So when you considered the alternative, being a single mom and having a mini me, all you could imagine was horror. Sleepless nights, projectile vomiting, projectile shitting – was that a thing? – illness, poverty, fucking this kid up beyond belief… It was impossible to decide.</p><p>And finally, days after finding out and agonizing over what this meant for you, you eventually remembered the unwitting sperm donor, that weird actor dude Adam. Ugh.</p><p>What do you do with that?</p><p>Whatever you decided, it seemed strange not to tell him.</p><p>It felt so deceitful not to tell him anything, you couldn’t imagine being a man and a woman either having or aborting your baby without you even knowing. But to just show up and tell him this out of the blue would feel like you were asking for something. No matter how you phrased it, you knew that. And of course you weren’t. Not at all. The last thing you ever wanted was a little thespian baby with a histrionic father whose entire life was vanity and stress. No, thanks.</p><p>And if you ran into him? You knew plenty of people in common. You’d likely see each other again at some point. Or someone will tell him, hey, that makeup chick is super pregnant. Do you think she fucked some understudy too? Ugh, gross.</p><p>So you had to tell him, as uncomfortable as it was.</p><p>You managed to get a hold of him via some friends and you set up a coffee date between his auditions. Ugh, gross.</p><p>*</p><p>You were already waiting, tapping your foot against the leg of your chair, trying to breathe deeply.</p><p>Adam came up behind you, grabbing you head suddenly and kissing you hair, startling you, before crashing into the seat opposite you.</p><p>“I’m glad you called. You shouldn’t have left like that, I would have liked to hang out more.” – he smiled, looking at you intently.</p><p>“Mhm.” – you nodded, lips tight, deciding it was best to just knock him the fuck out with the news you had and go back home to think some more about what you would do, while you still had a choice. – “Listen, dude…”</p><p>“Adam.” – he reminded you.</p><p>“I know.” – pfft, you knew the name of the guy that knocked you up, thank you very much. – “Er, so I have some troubling news. And before I get into it, this is not… you know, twisting your arm in any way, derailing your life, whatever. You know?” – you asked and he looked at you weirdly, throwing his head back a little.</p><p>“Erm? Okay?”</p><p>“So when we were at that party a while back… and then…” – you motioned ‘and so on’ with your hand, making the little shit opposite you grin. – “It’s weird that you don’t see where I’m going with this.” – you mused, watching that dumb I-got-laid grin on his face. – “But anyway… So long story short, I’m pregnant. And it’s fine. It’s really fine. It’s whatever.” – you assured yourself more than him.</p><p>Adam froze, staring at you with unblinking eyes for an unnervingly long time as you delivered your speech about how he’s totally not beholden to you or this thing in your uterus just because he got fucked up and blew one measly load up in you and he should totally live his life and not worry, but you just felt a duty to tell him…</p><p>“What are you gonna do?” – he asked, eyes down, brain somewhere far away, a shadow darkening his face.</p><p>“Oh, um…” – weirdly, the question felt invasive, although you were aware you just plucked him out of a mundane day of auditioning to tell him he had inadvertently made life a few weeks ago. – “I uh, to tell you the truth, I haven’t really decided… yet.” – you swallowed, suddenly getting emotional seeing how seriously he took this.</p><p>He sat quietly, lost in his own thoughts for a while, not hearing the waitress ask him for his order – you ordered some water, as cold as possible, for him – jaw occasionally ticking, eye twitching once or twice.</p><p>He started to speak a couple of times, but couldn’t quite manage it, kneading his face with his hands in frustration. – “Will you.. please… keep me posted?” – he finally asked, looking like he was on the verge of tears.</p><p>You nodded and he slammed some money on the table, leaving in a hurry.</p><p>*</p><p>Adam wasn’t the happiest of children or young men. But at some point, he had a few realizations. He couldn’t do anything about his face. Or his brain. It was only malleable to a degree. He couldn’t not belong to his fucked up family. Maybe he could change his personality a bit, but whenever he tried, it was shit and he was worse off than before. But what he could do was work out, have a good body and have guts. And that worked fine. He assumed that’s what you saw in him that night. Like most women did.</p><p>But having been treated so badly by girlfriends before, not being seen or understood, actually having a child of his aborted without so much as a <em>say goodbye</em>, he was afraid. He was afraid he would never have someone who saw him and cared. Afraid someone like you wouldn’t want to bring a child of his into the world because you instinctively deemed him worthless. He didn’t know you well, but you seemed smart and fun and responsible to a degree, which already put you leagues above the women he dated before. The real fear, he found after days of self-hatred, or self-reflection, whatever you called it, was that you would do whatever it took to sever ties with him and you would be right.</p><p>So when, days later, his phone rang and you talked to him briefly, saying you had decided to keep the baby, he felt like it was a miracle. He was convinced his life would never work out to the degree of having a kid of his own because he was just bad at everything and suddenly you came along and gave him something priceless.</p><p>*</p><p>Over the next couple of weeks, you started talking and seeing more of each other, you always assuring him he didn’t need to disrupt his life for you, he waving you off.</p><p>He had suggested getting married very quickly and you refused in no uncertain terms, not even entertaining the idea. The next few times, he brought it up as a joke, just to mess with your train of thought.</p><p>You were done for the day, only doing makeup at the crack of down for a few ladies who had some TV appearances to do and then chilling until you saw some friends for lunch.</p><p>Adam called you, remembering you finished early today. You groaned before picking up.</p><p>“Hi, what’s up?”</p><p>“Hey. I’ll be wrapping here soon, I thought I could pick you up and we can hang.”</p><p>You had to hold in an exasperated sigh – “Oh. Yeah, I mean, that’s… not, you know, necessary. You can go hang out with friends.”</p><p>“I don’t like my friends.”</p><p>“Uh huh.”- you chewed your cheek, thinking of something to say to his preposterous claim. – “Well, I just mean, we don’t have see each other all the time…”</p><p>“If we’re gonna get married, then we should.” – he interrupted and you could hear the grin in his voice.</p><p>“Yeah.”- you rolled your eyes. – “So you’re still planning on going full medieval with this?”</p><p>“I’m not a history buff, but I don’t think many mediaeval wenches got pregnant out of wedlock. But if by medieval you mean, fucking respect and decency, then yeah, I guess I wanna go mediaeval on you.” – he pushed back against your blasé attitude, slowly getting sick of being blown off when he was trying to do the right thing.</p><p>“Ooh! I guess I got told, huh?” – you deadpanned.</p><p>“Yeah, you did.”- he snapped back before he could bite his tongue. A long pause in which you both stewed ensued, until he sighed. – “This isn’t off to a great start.”</p><p>“Not at all, my dude.”</p><p>You let him go and accepted that he would show up at your place when he finished work.</p><p>But a thought comforted you.</p><p>He was an actor; actors are unfailingly selfish and stupid. He would eventually wear himself out and leave you alone. Better to let it happen naturally than to exhaust yourself and fight needlessly.</p><p>So you took a deep breath and decided to let this shaved ape play out whatever martyr fantasy he had and then let you have your life back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>You had your second monthly appointment with your Ob-Gyn. By then, it wasn’t a surprise Adam wanted to go with and you had to deal with doing something incredibly personal with a virtual stranger.</p><p>You took the subway there and hardly spoke. It was just plain awkward; apart from this baby, you had nothing in common and, you assumed, no real interest in each other outside of it. And now you were shackled together. You could forget about it occasionally – it was easier on busy days, but sometimes, the realization came crashing down on you that you really made your life needlessly complicated.</p><p>You were standing close to the door and the stop before yours, a young guy ran in and stood opposite you, leaning against the door. Out of boredom and for something to do, your eyes traveled over him. He was very try hard, with meticulously coiffed hair and an array of jewelry, which was always baffling on men and, god have mercy, polka dotted sneakers. Full red-and-white, hobo-stick polka dots. You swallowed hard, feeling like you would burst out laughing and looked away, trying to compose yourself. As you did, your eyes met with Adam’s, who was wearing an equally pained face and exploded into laughter the second he saw you have the same reaction. It was such a shitty thing to do, no way would the guy not notice and you truly felt bad, but it was all just too ridiculous. The world is upside down, you’re going to an appointment with this weird guy and then polka dot douche walks in – you just couldn’t help it. Adam tried hiding his face in his hands as he laughed, but it only made it worse. Eventually, he doubled over, wheezing, and the guy threw you a dirty look and walked away, you praying for your goddamn stop to come soon. When it did, you had to push Adam out and he could barely walk.</p><p>The whole walk to the doctor’s office, you kept talking about it and bursting into laughter again, arriving in a much better mood than you left in.</p><p>*</p><p>After the appointment, you couldn’t shake him, so you found yourself at home, making lunch and dodging a fridge sized stranger as you did.</p><p>As you were eating, he brought up getting married again.</p><p>“Why the fuck not?”- he asked, mouth full.</p><p>You tried to be gentle and clear because he was clearly a little bit out of his mind, just in general. – “Because we don’t want to marry each other? Isn’t that reason enough?”</p><p>He frowned, like you were a kid he was tutoring and you were just not fucking getting it. - “It really isn’t. Marriage isn’t for the couple, dumbass. It’s for the kid.“</p><p>You looked at him dubiously. He was always full of half-baked opinions he was very sure of.</p><p>“Don’t look at me like that. Of course it is. I’m not gonna give you anything you don’t have, you don’t need me. And I mostly don’t need you. But the kid needs both of us.” – he concluded, leaning back and giving you a challenging stare.</p><p>Damn. That was true.</p><p>“I just want to give that kid security. And love obviously, and all that other emotional shit it needs. But I want the baby to have a name, a father, a family. If we separate…”</p><p>“When?” – you offered, reminding him that the whole premise was that this was a marriage for a while, until the kid got old enough.</p><p>“<em>When</em> we separate,”- he relented, shoving off the small distinction – “I’ll have to pay alimony, child support… And I’ll be guaranteed to see the kid. It covers all the bases.”</p><p>“I guess it does.” – you muttered, unable to argue with his logic, but still not excited about the prospect.</p><p>“And I’m a pretty terrific guy.”  - he had to add, feeling like he was about to win.</p><p>You snorted into your plate.</p><p>“And you’re a classy lady.”</p><p>“I’m as classy as you are terrific, my dude.”</p><p>“We’re a perfect fucking match.” – he leaned forward, face crazy with excitement, to shake your arms and get you energized.</p><p>“Mhm.” – you made your eyes wide in emphasis.</p><p>“So you wanna do it?” – he stopped shaking you, looking at you hopefully.</p><p>“Oh, god. Fuck it, yeah, let’s do it.” – you shrugged, not having a better idea what to do.</p><p>He threw his fists up in victory, a dopey grin stretching from ear to ear.</p><p>*</p><p>As soon as you got the paperwork ready and waited the mandatory 24 hours, you went to the Marriage Bureau with some guy named Ray as witness - you had a backup in a coworker of yours who said she was free for lunch that day, but the guy showed up, so you didn’t have to spring a wedding on her.</p><p>After the ceremony, you went out for some decaf coffee for you and a quick lunch at the coffee shop he used to manage and got some snacks for later. You were mostly quiet as the two of them briefly caught up and provided some general information about yourself when asked. Ray clearly found it weird that you had gotten married, but he was good enough to wish you the best.</p><p>*</p><p>After lunch, your new husband walked you home and it was time for some more awkwardness.</p><p>“Can I… stay over?” – he asked, doing some weird gesture with his hands. He was always fidgeting, you learned.</p><p>You had thought of that possibility, but made no decision so far.</p><p>“It’s just weird to get married and spend your wedding night in different apartments, right?” – he offered and you nodded.</p><p>“You’re right.” – you decided to save the snark and aloofness for another day. I mean, how many more times were you gonna get married? Three? Four, tops? You wouldn’t have too many of these in your life and he <em>did</em> do everything you wanted all day. So you offered a tight lipped smile and climbed up the stairs, letting him tag along.</p><p>*</p><p>After dinner and a movie on Netflix, it was time for bed.</p><p>He had nothing to sleep in and you had nothing to give him, so he just stripped down to his boxers and got into bed. You got in too and turned off the lights, the room only illuminated from the outside.</p><p>You knew you wouldn’t fall asleep for a long time after such an odd day, so you resigned yourself to staring at the ceiling for a while and sinking into existential angst, as most people do before nodding off.</p><p>After a while, you felt weird vibrations coming from his side of the bed – wait, what were you talking about, he didn’t have a <em>side</em> of the bed, it was <em>your</em> bed – and you stilled even more than before, trying to figure out what it was. If this fucking guy was jerking his stupid dick as you were trying to sleep, I swear to god…</p><p>But he wasn’t.</p><p>A few seconds later, you started hearing muffled laughter and long breaths, trying to calm down, but then more laughter.</p><p>“What, dude?” – you slammed your arms down by your sides, turning to look at him.</p><p>“Isn’t this fucking hilarious? We’re <em>married</em>.” – he propped his head up on his hand, looking down at you.</p><p>You looked at him for a bit; this weird, gangly acquaintance of yours, with his dumb hair always falling in his eyes, weird, twitchy mannerisms and ridiculous life philosophy, was your husband. The surreal humor of it hit you too and you dissolved into giggles, Adam joining in.</p><p>“And all because we got fucked up and you busted a nut in me one time.” – you choked out between fits of laughter.</p><p>“It was two, actually.” – he corrected. – “And a half.”</p><p>“And a half!” – you repeated, hitting his chest a few times to punctuate your laughter. – “You remember that night?” – you asked out of curiosity.</p><p>He nodded, smiling contentedly.</p><p>“Really? I blacked out at some point, I just remember bits and pieces.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s why I decided to stop drinking. You don’t remember your own fucking life.”</p><p>“Oh!” – you got serious, hitting him in the chest again, this time in reproach. – “And now that we have this baby going on and the whole marriage thing, you gotta not do stupid shit like get high! That could have ended horribly!”</p><p>“First off, ow.” – he emphasized.</p><p>“Oh, that didn’t hurt. Your chest is made of mahogany.” – you rolled your eyes.</p><p>He shrugged in agreement, pride filling that mahogany chest you just hit. – “And secondly, I was the one who said that <em>immediately</em>.”</p><p>He was right, you just remembered that detail. - “Well… Then why did you do it? That was so dumb.”</p><p>“You asked me to and I really wanted to fuck you.” – he said, like that was all the logic that was required.</p><p>“Really? That’s all it takes?”</p><p>“If you had asked me to burn the tip of my dick with that lighter, I probably would have. I like to show off and those ripped pantyhose made me hard all night.”</p><p>“Well, it’s good to know I married a man of quality. Good night.” – you decided you cut the conversation short, worrying you might discover something unpleasant about him if you continued or get into a fight. He didn’t seem like the worst guy in the world, but he was definitely peculiar and that was tricky to deal with.</p><p>You turned away from him, but you could feel he was still propped up, watching you.</p><p>“You know, I met you before all of this baby stuff. I get that it messes with you a lot, but you’re much nicer than <em>this</em>.” – he stated, poking your side.</p><p>“Ow!”</p><p>“You cuddled with me a lot that night and let me talk about the play, and even <em>I </em>know those stories are boring as fuck. So I already know you’re nice, you don’t need to do all this.” – he leaned over, holding you around the waist.</p><p>“You tit is on my shoulder, sir. That’s distracting.” – you informed him.</p><p>He snickered and rolled you over so he could look at you in the face.</p><p>“No, seriously. I want to make you happy. I want that kid to develop great. And you need to be happy for that to happen. I don’t know what I’m doing that’s annoying you, but tell me and I’ll stop. I swear.”</p><p>“Oh, god.”- you whined, closing your eyes. You felt you were about to cry and this was exactly what you didn’t want. – “It’s not you, you’re fine!”- you said dismissively, but then reminded yourself to let your guard down a little and tell him something nicer. – “You’re more than fine, you’re going above and beyond.”- you wiggled you ring finger, adorned with a simple silver band you got off Etsy the week before. – “This is just such a weird situation, I feel like we’re intruding in each other’s lives…”</p><p>Adam shook his head, wrapping an arm around you tighter. - “You’re not intruding in mine. I’m happy to be right here with you two.”</p><p>And that did it. You fully started to cry – the ugly cry, complete with sobs and snot right out the gate.</p><p>“Don’t cry, you’re making my fucking baby sad.”- he cooed, shaking you gently.</p><p>“Don’t curse,”- you landed another punch on his chest. – “I don’t want my baby picking up bad language in utero.”</p><p>“Fine.”- he accepted, playing with your hair, stroking a finger against your cheek to soothe you.</p><p>“Fine.”- you sighed, opening your eyes to show him you were calming down.</p><p>The expression you were met with was very different from the ones before.</p><p>He looked very earnest and emotional, and just a little bit like… he would devour you in one bite.</p><p>He shuffled closer and leaned in.</p><p>Really? Was he about to try to fuck you right now? I mean, he looked really good and all, and you certainly didn’t end up pregnant with his kid because you found him <em>unattractive</em>, but you were just expecting a very uneventful night.</p><p>By the time you sorted out your thoughts, two warm juicy lips were laying a gentle kiss on your forehead. He remained kissing you for a long time, long enough for you to go from residually awkward to relaxed and smiling at the gesture.</p><p>He pulled back enough to see your softened expression, grateful that you were receptive to him.</p><p>He leaned down again and you let his lips lock with yours without hesitation, sharing a supportive, tender kiss, before each of you laid down and fell asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>The next morning, you woke up feeling just a little queasy and hoping that now, approaching your second trimester, the morning sickness would steadily start to go away.</p><p>You sat up, trying to swallow the queasiness down enough to get up and eat something. That usually helped. Adam heard you muttering obscenities and shot up too.</p><p>“What’s up?” – he asked, looking wide awake. – “You need anything?”</p><p>“Yeah, if you don’t mind, there’s some crackers on the counter…” – you said and he jumped out of bed before you finished.</p><p>“I got it. And cut the <em>if you don’t mind</em> shit, please.” – he demanded, walking briskly back with a sleeve of crackers and a comically hard dick, pointing right at your face as you took the food.</p><p>You moved your eyes up to the ceiling and he just stood there looking at you, bold as brass.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“Trying not to look at it in the eye.” – you admonished. – “Thanksh for thish.” – you lifted the proffered crackers, stuffing a few in your mouth.</p><p>“What, this?”- he asked, hands on hips. -  “I’m sorry I have a dick, okay? And that it’s the morning.” – he said, turning to walk away, voice slowly fading out. – “Now I’ll have to go jerk off in your bathroom cuz I got married yesterday and I didn’t even fuck my own wife.”</p><p>You heard him rummaging around the bathroom, muttering to himself, knocking some bottles down until, you assumed, he came across the baby oil you had lying around for removing extra stubborn makeup.</p><p>Soon enough, the unmistakable schlicking noises of skin on skin followed, the slippery oil making him slicked up and wet instantly, making the sounds of his shaft being punished and balls slapping around much more prominent.  You sat there, munching away on your crackers, wondering if he left the door ajar accidentally or to try to make you uncomfortable somehow.</p><p>Hearing those primal grunts and hisses, along with the, by the sound of it, extremely vigorous strokes, getting frenzied and faster, then slower, with whinier sounds and curses, you got worried you might get turned on too. You weren’t made of stone and your toys had been getting a thrashing recently… But fuck. It would be super inappropriate to get turned on by your husband right now. You were trying to have a very harmonious sham marriage and slinging dick wasn’t part of it.</p><p>You reached for your phone and, thankfully, you headphones were right there, so you could partially drown him out. There was some morbid curiosity in you, so you kept the volume low, wondering if hearing him fuck his hand and grunt would bring back any memories of that ill-fated night you shared. He sounded more like a petulant, grumpy animal, angry at his dick and offended that no hole was being thrown at him, and it mostly made you wanna laugh. Were it not so dumb, it would be endearing.</p><p>After he was done, he kept teasing himself, whining and shaking, sounding like a pitiful prisoner of war, almost crying from beating his spent dick. He stayed inside a while longer, breathing hard like he had just run a marathon and you were getting impatient, needing to pee.</p><p>As soon as his stupid, post-cum-drowsy face reemerged, you jumped to your feet, bladder wanting to burst.</p><p>“You’re gonna need a new hand towel.” – he informed you as you ran past him.</p><p>“Oh, come on. You couldn’t do it in the sink?” – you sighed, slamming the door behind you and being thankful that he at least had the good graces to put the befouled towel in the hamper.</p><p>*</p><p>“I like your place and I figured you don’t want the hassle of moving anywhere.” – Adam explained his theory for why he should move in with you over breakfast.</p><p>You nodded, staring at your plain toast, one of the few foods you could enjoy in the mornings now. This was bound to happen when you got married, you told yourself, and it sucks – you weren’t in the market for a roommate, but fuck it, this guy basically spends every day with you anyway and he might even call and bug you less if he lived here and didn’t constantly need to come and go.</p><p>“I’ll be good, I promise. You can give me a chore wheel and all that shit, I’ll take out the trash and lift the couch to vacuum under it.”</p><p>“Cool, that’ll be a first.” – you joked half-heartedly.  – “I’m uh… thinking ahead a little too. Given your matinee performance in the bathroom…” – you started, managing not to roll your eyes and Adam felt a pang.</p><p>Now that he didn’t have a hard on to cloud his judgment, it did seem kind of in poor taste. Part of it was he was just horny, but he did go over the top performative, hoping to elicit some reaction out of you. Whether it was a porn sort of thing where you joined him or the more common reaction of calling him a pervert or whatever previous girlfriends did, he just needed any sort of attention. And now he was realizing you were making life inside you and your attention was not primarily on him. He felt grateful that you didn’t bite his head off immediately because now he had the chance to come to this conclusion himself. Generously, he decided to jerk off more discreetly around you from now on.</p><p>“Are you gonna bring girls home? If you wanna fuck someone, do you maybe have a friend whose place you can do it at? Just while I’m pregnant – I’m only gonna get more unwieldy - and while the kid is not sleeping through the night.” – you asked, trying to justify yourself and not inconvenience him too much.</p><p>He was shaking his head even while you were talking. – “No, I’m not gonna cheat on my wife.” – he said, as if his wife is some abstract concept and not you. Then you realized you thought of him the same way and it seemed less funny.  – “You? How do you wanna do it?” – he added his own question, feeling a little sad about it, but politeness obligating him to give you the option of other people too since you had given it to him so freely.</p><p>His response was… admirable?… in principle, but it did tie your hands, so you were not too happy. – “Well, I mean… No. I’m not gonna cheat on my husband either, that’s ooky.” – you reluctantly agreed to honor the fidelity clause of marriage, though your hormones were rampant and you were dying to be filled out like an application.</p><p>As you pondered your predicament, Adam spoke up. – “But then, what do we do? We have an 18, almost 19-year dry spell?”</p><p>You snorted at the horrific thought. – “Well, I assume we’re gonna succumb to the temptation at some point.”- you shrugged, feeling kind of embarrassed at the prospect. -  “Unless you’re, you know, super averse to the idea…”</p><p>Adam was getting a little tired of playing coy, though it was cute on you, and he looked forward to sealing the deal on this marriage, and soon. - “I didn’t get you fucking pregnant because I <em>wasn’t</em> attracted to you – is that clear enough for you?”</p><p>You hoped you weren’t blushing as badly as you felt you were. – “Yeah, I guess.”</p><p>“Alright.” – he concluded, deciding to change the topic and let you relax. – “What are your plans for the day?” – he asked expectantly.</p><p>“Honestly, nothing.” – you burst his bubble immediately. Better that he get used to your life quick. – “Nothing today, or tomorrow for that matter. Some work here and there, but mostly an empty roster. You married a pretty boring woman. I don’t get up to too many exciting things.”</p><p>“Awesome. Then we can do whatever.” – he grinned, strangely relieved by your answer. You didn’t seem preoccupied with being in your own head, like Hannah, or chaotic like Jessa, who might end up fucking a hobo and changing her job before noon. You didn’t worry him like women before you had. Very odd. Very pleasant.</p><p>*</p><p>For the next few weeks, you lived in relative peace. Each of you led their own life and you would catch up like roommates at the beginning or end of a day.</p><p>You divided the housework based on who was better at what, though Adam kept trying and overextending himself, wanting to do everything for you.</p><p>That would end up in a spat, something that happened almost daily.</p><p>You’d explain, rightly, how you weren’t an invalid and it was more anxiety-inducing to watch him do stuff badly than to let you do them well. He’d explain, stupidly, that he was just trying to be useful and spare you. You’d both throw around a sarcastic jab or two and finish up strong with a <em>Fine</em>! <em>Fine</em>!</p><p>You’d get over it within seconds, usually busy with other thoughts in your head, and Adam would find himself buzzing and fearful, always waiting to be kicked out or for his bottomless supply of anger to be triggered and cause a real blow out. But it somehow never occurred. Then he’d come and apologize, trying to hug you or nuzzle you and, increasingly, you let him. He felt a deep desire to be holding and protecting you and you were probably smart enough to sense that and let him. More and more, as time went by, he found himself wanting to have you return his affections, not just passively accept them.</p><p>*</p><p>You came back from work one day, having rocked your maternity pants for the first time due to your growing belly and feeling pretty tired after doing an amount of work that normally wouldn’t affect you as much. Adam had his nose buried in a book, having been busy with work for a while before, and now feeling like he was falling behind with daddy night school.</p><p>On the table were belly butters he read you would need now for stretch marks, oils for massage, shoe inserts for supports that he also read were a good idea, as well as a platter of the things he noticed you were craving most often, waiting for you so you didn’t get hangry.</p><p>“Honey, we’re home!” – you greeted him when he didn’t hear you come in.</p><p>His face brightened up and he ran up to take your bag and set it down. – “How are you?” – he asked, trailing behind you like your shadow, as he always did when you came home.</p><p>“Pretty good. A little tired.” – you shrugged, giving him a smile. You noticed all the paraphernalia he had laid out, grabbing a handful of snacks and scarfing them down, not worried about looking ladylike. You threw your head back and groaned happily at food filling your belly and Adam felt that deep primal satisfaction he always did when his wife, the mother of his baby, looked pleased.</p><p>You rolled your shoulders, looking around you and finding a place to sit and relax.</p><p>“Does you back hurt?” – Adam asked.</p><p>“Kind of, a little.”</p><p>“Awesome!” – he clapped his hands together and took you by the arms to stand you up.</p><p>You looked at him oddly and he shook his head, explaining. - “I watched some tutorials on how to massage pregnant women…”</p><p>“Did they squirt in the end? Cuz I think that might have been porn.” – you pointed out as he led you to a chair.</p><p>“No, I know the difference, thank you. Although, with the zero fucking sex I’ve been having lately, it’s probably good to have a reminder. Can your dick atrophy, do you think?” – he pondered, getting the oil and letting you get settled.</p><p>As he massaged you, he explained what he was doing and why it was supposed to be beneficial. Honestly, you didn’t care about that, you just cared that it felt really, really good.</p><p>You tuned him out for a while, getting lost in your own thoughts. All this time, you kept waiting for him to get bored or overwhelmed, for that essential selfishness to come to the foreground.  But he was doing great, often better than you, which was surprising. How annoying. And you knew, you just knew there was no way was he <em>not</em> going to become worse as soon as you praised him, but you didn’t have the heart not to acknowledge his effort.</p><p>“Hey, what’s going on?” – he snapped you out of it, kneeling in front of your chair.</p><p>You felt that your expression was as serious as your thoughts and you eyes were getting a little wet. – “Nothing, I’m just thinking about…” – you couldn’t really put it into words, at least not in a way that wouldn’t kind of insult him. You reached out a hand and moved his hair out of his face, caressing his cheek. – “Thank you.”</p><p>The tender gesture caught him off guard a little. – “It’s just a massage.”  - he said back, a little too seriously.</p><p>“I mean thank you in general, for all the nice things…” – you started, but he shook his head, eyebrows knitted.</p><p>“I know, I know, I was trying to be magnanimous about it.”</p><p>You knew he was rehearsing for some serious play when he started dropping words like magnanimous around. In fact, he was about to leave for a rehearsal, opening night was fast approaching.</p><p>“That’s good of you. But I also wanted to be appreciative.” – you told him, letting him go.</p><p>“It’s just not economical to make a big deal out of it every time, I’m gonna be fucking nice to you a lot.”</p><p>Generally, you avoided being too close to him, looking at him too long – anything that could be construed as intimate. Partly, so as not to lead him on, but partly so as not to lead yourself on either. This time, you watched him, continuing to care for you and find ways to make you comfortable. And yes, he did totally bum rush your life, but he was trying to make it better. And the fact that he was so awkward at everything somehow made it more endearing.</p><p>Adam felt the heat of being vulnerable fill his head and that familiar attendant panic rise, wanting to scream it out of his head. But he looked at you, looking at him, with more warmth than you did in a long time, not pulling back and running into your corner somewhere. Kiss her, idiot, what are you waiting for?</p><p>Your face and the electricity sparking in the air told him he could definitely go for it. And after all, wasn’t he kind of hoping for this anyway? That you finally see him as an equal partner and accept him?</p><p>He leaned forward, a little too fast, jeans rubbing harshly against the carpet and you giggled as he took your face in his hand, inching closer.</p><p>Was he ready to fall in love?, a voice asked. He was prone to it, no doubt about it. But he didn’t trust himself. And he didn’t trust you, not really, not yet. You were way too self-sufficient and he realized he was terrified of really falling for you and being rejected or only being with you until your marriage contract was up.</p><p>It was too overwhelming and instead of pulling his usual move of get your dick wet first, ask questions later, he decided to actually think about this.</p><p>With a kiss to your forehead, seeing you frown in surprise and cock your head to the side, he told you he had to go.</p><p>*</p><p>The next few days were awkward. You felt stupid and Adam was terrified and angry at himself for being terrified – you were already having a kid, a kiss shouldn’t scramble his brains that much.</p><p>Thankfully, he was busy with the play and you found things to do, so you didn’t see much of each other.</p><p>Opening night came and you had a total of one outfit that was dressy and comfortable that you could rock; some old bodycon dress that would stretch enough to accommodate your belly. You went all out with the hair and makeup, thinking it would be a nice gesture to look presentable when you showed up. After getting some flowers for your husband, you were ready to go and pretend this was all totally fine.</p><p>You were relieved to find he was actually pretty good – phew, at least you didn’t have to lie – and you went over to briefly congratulate him in private.</p><p>He was pacing around, feeling the opening night jitters finally dissipate, when he heard your heels clacking down the hall. You were looking at him a little shyly, flowers in hand, done up as if for a photo shoot. He not ready to see all that without warning, knees going weak. That shit actually, physically, happened to people? He never knew.</p><p>“Hey.” – you greeted, giving him the flowers and a one-armed hug. – “Good job, that was great!”  </p><p>He felt like a piece of shit, that after what he put your through the last few days, you were still here, being good to him. – “You uh, look nice, really beautiful. Thank you for coming. And these.” – gestured to your flowers. – “And… everything.”</p><p>You shrugged, wanting to put the weirdness behind and not attempt anything similar again. – “Sure, I have to support my husband, right?”- you joked and he laughed out loud.</p><p>“I think that’s the law. Even if he sucks.”</p><p>You rubbed up and down his arm in support. - “Eh, you’re the best husband I’ve had, I couldn’t comment on that.” – you joked, but for some reason, he felt like he could cry very easily once you said that.</p><p>To stop an emotional outburst, he wrapped an arm around your neck and pulled you in, kissing you selfishly and aggressively, not giving you a moment to relax into it, prying your lips open and shoving his tongue in, pulling you into him by grabbing and kneading your ass, groans traveling from his body into yours. He stopped just as suddenly as he started, breathing hard and holding you close before taking your hand and leading you out into the crowd.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A visit home and some spiciness for the newlyweds.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>For the rest of the night, he was floating on air, showing you off to his friends, coworkers, whatever they were, proudly introducing you as his wife and eagerly explaining to people that they were right when they kept glancing at your belly.</p><p>That night, as you were falling asleep in his arms – something you could get used to – you realized you ought to return the favor and introduce him to your family.</p><p>*</p><p>“So the story is we have been dating for a bit before this whole situation happened.”- you motioned to your belly and Adam gave it a boop, saying hi to the baby.</p><p>“I take it you don’t want them to know…”</p><p>You interrupted him immediately. - “Yeah, I don’t want my family to think that I would sleep with some stranger and get pregnant.” – you said, as if it were preposterous.</p><p>“So… you don’t want them to think that <em>what happened</em>… happened?”</p><p>“Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind. You’re an actor, don’t you do this stuff professionally? I don’t see what’s unclear here.”</p><p>“I’m an <em>actor</em>, not a <em>liar</em>.” – he corrected.</p><p>“Okay, just please, act through your teeth today?” – you decided not to make fun of him as a peace offering, wanting to get through this dreaded reveal.</p><p>“Okay, I’m gonna need to get into character first.” – he grinned, kissing up your hand, arms, shoulder, neck…</p><p>“Easy, Gomez.” – you stopped him.</p><p>“So let me get this straight, we’re acting like my wife is a frigid bitch who doesn’t like me very much?”</p><p>You sighed. – “No. We’re acting like your wife is a loving bitch who likes you just fine.”</p><p>“Okay, so I’m gonna need you to show me – how would that look?” – he asked, hands on his hips, letting you demonstrate.</p><p>Lord. You wrapped your arms around his middle and cuddled up. – “Okay…” – he nodded pensively. – “And?” – he leaned his head to the side, bowing down. You kissed him briefly and he shook his head, not satisfied. Pressed for time, you grabbed him by the hair and kissed him hard, proceeding to scratch down his back and arms until he winced and pulled away.</p><p>“Ugh! Have you extorted enough sexual favors for one day, my dude?”</p><p>“Not by a long shot. But let’s go, I don’t wanna be late and look bad in front of my in-laws.”</p><p>In-laws. Your stomach twisted.</p><p>*</p><p>You were one of the last to arrive to your parents’ place, most of the family and guests already there. There were way more people than you were expecting, but hey, you were in hell anyway, who cared if it’s 10% more hellish, right?</p><p>You found your mom to wish her a happy birthday and give her her present. You gave her warning, of course, but seeing you was still surprising and emotional.</p><p>“My little girl… having a baby.” – she got misty eyed immediately, hugging you and looked at Adam over your shoulder, sizing him up.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry to steal your thunder with the surprise grandkid and nuptials.” – you joked, hoping to prevent other people from asking too many questions.</p><p>“You can steal my thunder with news like that anytime.” – she kept weeping softly, extending a hand to Adam. – “And this must be the boy-husband.” – she corrected.</p><p>“Adam. Nice to meet you.” – he shook her hand a lot less awkwardly than you’d come to expect from him. The character he was playing for your family must not be as big a spazz as he was in reality. Thank god.</p><p>“Oh, he’s handsome.” – your mom said to you as if he couldn’t hear.</p><p>“Yup.” – you nodded, bracing yourself for a day of being embarrassed.</p><p>Your dad regarded Adam with more suspicion. It was probably easier to forget boyfriends fucked your daughter when they weren’t visibly pregnant, shoving the fact of coitus and its consequences in your and your guests’ faces. But that was to be expected and Adam dealt with it fine.</p><p>Seating had become an issue by the time you had arrived, so Adam graciously announced there was no need to procure another seat, you two would be fine on the one armchair in the corner. He lounged back and patted his knees so you would sit in his lap. Thinking you were just being shy, the aunts encouraged you to go ahead and you relented.</p><p>As the family talked and caught up, Adam was having the time of his life, stealing kisses on your shoulder, nipping your neck here and there, nuzzling into you and running his hands wherever he wanted. You should visit your family more often, he concluded.</p><p>Since he had been charming the fuck out of everybody over lunch, someone asked him to tell you all the story of how you got together.</p><p>“Oh, it must have been a whirlwind romance.” – one of you sweeter aunts noted.</p><p>“Yes, I’m sure, I mean, we’ve never even <em>heard</em> of the boy and now he’s her husband with a baby on the way.” – a meaner aunt added, failing to sound sweet. – “I mean to say, it all must have happened so fast.”</p><p>Adam didn’t appreciate the tone and as much as he had made fun of you for not wanting your family to think this way about you, he definitely didn’t appreciate the implication in you mean aunt’s observation. Even if it was spot on.</p><p>He weaved the tale, which wasn’t entirely untrue, of how you had known each other for a long time, working on the same projects – you doing makeup, he acting. And your romance slowly developed over time. He had to drop in how you were standoffish and mean at the start, feeling that that would resonate with your family.</p><p>And it did.</p><p>“Yes, that sounds like her…” – your mom chuckled.</p><p>“Mom!” – you whined, hearing your 14-year-old self in your tone.</p><p>“Well, you are, sweetheart. You know,” – she looked at Adam conspiratorially – “she’s always pretended not to want the things she wants. So if she didn’t get them, she wouldn’t be embarrassed. Remember, sweetheart?” – she asked you as if she didn’t totally fucking expose you right now.</p><p>“Mom!” – you whined again, this time with more edge, feeling Adam rubbing soothing circles in your back. Oh, fuck me, this was humiliating.</p><p>“She would always pretend she didn’t want to win any games, but then she would gloat and gloat and gloat when she did. It was adorable.” – she told Adam as she laughed to herself. – “At least you grew out of that last part.”</p><p>“I grew out of all of that!” – you corrected and a chorus of people laughed.</p><p>“Oh, hardly.” – your mean aunt waved you off, happy that she could openly shit on someone and not get called out. Bitch.</p><p>“I mean, your attitude right now is not supporting that at all.” – you mom said.</p><p>“Besides, who cares.” – your dad spoke up, halfway sticking up for you because you got all that excessive pride bullshit from him. – “He loves you either way.”</p><p>“I do, sir, very much.” – Adam confirmed without hesitation, holding you closer and making all the middle aged women in sexless marriages cream their panties. Although, you were a young woman in a sexless marriage, so you weren’t really sure whom you were burning in your head right now. Then, your storybook husband went on a whole rhapsodic soliloquy about how you are a fun challenge and you treat him so well and he had never known anyone like you, blah blah blah. The cream in the panties flowed and you kept trying to give him cues to stop, your stupid heart fluttering in your chest.</p><p>“Alright, my dude, I think they’ve heard enough.” – you finally interrupted him since he was working himself up so much he was almost crying; god, he really was a good actor, you had to give him that. You leaned over and shut him up by kissing him and fumed as you felt the smug little shit smile into it.</p><p>“You call him… dude?” – you mom asked, the word feeling weird and foreign when she said it. It may have been the first time in her life she had used it.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>“Yeah.” – you admitted, I mean, they all heard you. – “You know, like… Dude.” – you said like it was a normal term of endearment. When nobody nodded in recognition, you softened your tone, making it more intimate. – “You know, he’s my dude. My guy. I love him. My dude.” – you explained and people slowly started coming over to your side. Phew. That was close.</p><p>*</p><p>When the vultures had finally had enough of you and their attention was otherwise engaged, Adam started quietly roasting you, enjoying that he finally had the upper hand in a situation.</p><p>“You know, most girls become their moms as they get older. Why are you turning into your curmudgeonly dad? I don’t wanna be married to that.” – he asked, and you snorted, rolling your eyes.</p><p>“So you’ve always been mean, huh? Good to know I’m not the only one you’re terrorizing.” – he continued.</p><p>“I’m not terrorizing you.” – you punctured your claim by twisting one his nipples and watching him open his mouth wide, but not be able to scream, just grimacing.</p><p>“Yes, you are. Case in point, the only time you tease my nipples…” – you shushed him and he lowered his voice -”…is in your parents’ house on your mom’s birthday. Does that get you going?” – he asked, acting disgusted.</p><p>“You’re fucking sick.” – you rolled your eyes, turning away from him to end the conversation, but being on his lap, there weren’t too many places to go and ignore him.</p><p>“I think it does. Wanna play step brother-step sister tonight? I interrupt you doing homework so you punish me?” – he asked, bouncing you on his knee to get you to respond.</p><p>“Let’s not broadcast to the entire room that my husband watches incest porn, okay?” – you shoved your elbow into his side, but he just kept bouncing you more.</p><p>“Ah, hey!” – you whisper-yelled. – “You can’t shake the baby! Haven’t you read that in one of your million daddy books?”</p><p>“Yes, I have. And the baby is fine, it’s suspended in your vagina fluids or whatever.” – he dismissed, bouncing you more vigorously.</p><p>“Uterine. You know the baby isn’t in my vagina, like hiding there at the entrance, behind a curtain?”</p><p>“I can only theorize, it’s been a while since I’ve seen your vagina.”</p><p>“Shh!” – you turned to him when the word vagina seemed to catch someone’s attention and they looked at the two of you funny.</p><p>“Quick, gimme a kiss so they leave us alone.” – he wiggled his eyebrows, but he was probably right, that would do the trick. So you kissed him and he really leaned into it, exploring your mouth down to your tonsils.</p><p>*</p><p>The evening wore on, some guests slowly dispersing and you had to get up and say bye, so Adam, playing the part of the model, dutiful husband, would join you and say goodnight, crack jokes and invite you to join in, making you seem a lot more personable along with this character he was playing. You figured out the game, so you played along, making it run as smoothly as possible, so your family wouldn’t worry about you and your whole unusual situation.</p><p>When one of the aunts, one you actually liked, left and you said goodbye from the heart, he was leading you back to goddamn armchair for some more fondling as a reward for his performance and mused. – “Why don’t you act like this all the time?”</p><p>“When someone is your family, you don’t have to be nice all the time. It’s exhausting.” – you sighed, the fake smiling and lying all day was actually getting to be a real chore. No wonder Adam was out of his mind if he did this for a living.</p><p>For his part, he was feeling happy about the little victory that you called him your family, until you continued. – “We’re shackled together, who cares how we act?”</p><p>He sat and let you settle in, face deep in thought, and unhappy. – “Well, I mean, I don’t want to be just cellmates.” – he scoffed.</p><p>“Ha, that’s a good way of putting it!” – you patted him on the shoulder in acknowledgment, laughing for real that he chose the perfect word.</p><p>“No, it’s a terrible way of putting it!” – he raised his voice a little and a knot of panic tightened in your core. –“I don’t want to be cellmates, a guy you serve time with. I wanna be your dude, like you said.”</p><p>You had seen glimpses of a softer side to him before, but it was always gone soon – whether you stomped it out or Adam panicked and pulled back, it wouldn’t stick around long enough to examine how it made either of you feel. But now he was just looking at you, not joking, not taking it back, just telling you what he wanted from you. You pouted at the sincerity, honestly touched, and stroked his face – without him ordering you to now that you had to listen for once – to let him know you were hearing him and considering his words.</p><p>*</p><p>Finally, before you were going to leave, it was home movie time. Yay. Great.</p><p>Everyone but you and Adam was somewhere on the spectrum of drunk, from tipsy to experiencing the first stages of their hangover, laughing at the questionable clothing choices of the last three decades, looking at old pets and you and your cousins as children.</p><p>Like a cat with no concept of personal space, Adam laughed and played with you, asking you to kiss him every two seconds.</p><p>“I see you’re really enjoying milking this.”- you said more softly than before, the mood between you now different.</p><p>He looked at you with dreamy, hooded eyes as your family was busy laughing at the old décor in the house. – “Yes, I’m having a great time, can I have another kiss, please?”</p><p>You bent down to give him a short smack on the lips, but he caught your lower lip between his teeth, right on the edge of painful, making you linger. This made you snort, feeling like you snotted on him a bit, so you pulled back, cleaning his face of your spit and drool. He somehow caught your fingers in his mouth and started twirling his tongue around them, sucking them further in and closing his eyes, soft moans vibrating through your fingers as he got more into it.</p><p>You leaned down, yanking your wet fingers out and wiping them on his shirt. – “Alright, you’ve had your fun.”- you snapped, feeling very exposed as you body reacted very powerfully to the sight and feeling. – “Can you stop, you’re groping me in front of my family, moaning like a whore from licking my fingers.”</p><p>“Well, if you fucked me more often, maybe I wouldn’t be moaning like a whore from just having your fingers in my mouth.”- he spat right back, the pleasant veneer cracking slightly and a mix of repressed lust and frustration showed.</p><p>Your own repressed lust and frustration made an appearance and you had to grit your teeth to keep your voice down. – “I think this is a discussion to have in private.”</p><p>Adam was ready for this bullshit. - “I’d love to have it, but I’m worried you’re just gonna go back to acting like I don’t exist as soon as we leave.”</p><p>That accusation stung. Partly, because it was true and you felt guilty, and partly because you were making an effort, goddamn it. Your whole life was essentially stolen from you mere months ago – it was all a huge adjustment. And fucking sorry for not being in love with a weird, angry, lovely, surprising, confusing guy off the street right off the bat.  It just didn’t work that way.</p><p>You couldn’t solve all of these issues in one night, but there was at least one that you could. You took a fistful of hair at the back of his head, pulling it hard in your hand and made him sit up and press up his ear against your lips. – “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p>*</p><p>You said goodbye and hurried to catch the train home. As you walked, his hand roamed down your back, to your ass, then you’d push it back up and he kept going down. If you reacted, by giggling or poking him to stop, it just got worse as he’d corner you and kiss you till you managed to stop him, warning him you had to hurry.</p><p>On the train, you were alone, all the way in the back.</p><p>It started with a hug and some nuzzling. Innocent enough.</p><p>Then a hand on your thigh and a tongue working your earlobe, making you  snort and wiggle away when it tickled or excited too much.</p><p>Soon enough, one hand was holding the back of your head, not letting you pull away, the other kneading a breast, and a leg pushing in between yours. All fine, you were prepared for this.</p><p>However, then it got heavier and a hand slid up your dress, fingers sliding over your underwear.</p><p>You struggled in his grip, enough to push him a little way away. – “Whoa, stop, what are you doing?”</p><p>Diving right back in for your neck and still working his fingers, Adam answered quickly, annoyed that you were interrupting his flow. – “I’m trying to put my fingers in your pussy, what the fuck’s it feel like?”</p><p>“Yeah?” – you frown. – “Don’t?”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“We’re in public.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“Adam. We’ll be home soon, you don’t need to--”</p><p>“You don’t want me to?” – he asks in a voice raspy and heavy with lust, your underwear now moved enough that he was working your needy wet flesh with his insistent coarse fingers. – “Doesn’t feel like it.”</p><p>You tried to stop him by squeezing your legs together, immobilizing his hand, but he was already practically inside, still able to move, only now rubbing rougher and harder, making you hiss and release your legs quickly.</p><p>“God, did I marry the biggest bitch in New York?” – he asked the empty air around, biting down on your earlobe. – “Pussy all wet for me and she’s still giving me shit.”</p><p>“Fuck, relax.” – he grunted, trying to adjust his hardening dick in his pants as he pushed you into the window, giving himself better access. – “There’s nobody  around.” – he rasped lowly, crowding you with his body, making you gush at the sound and his intensity. – “From the feel of it, it won’t be long.” – he smiled to himself, palming himself briefly, just for a little relief as he felt you squeeze around his fingers.</p><p>You were already way too deep, there was no calling it off anymore, so you decided to relax into it, let him kiss and lick into your neck, bite on your ear and lips, eyes closed, trying to focus on just finishing fast and not getting caught.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some bonding for the reluctant couple.</p>
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  <em><b>Warning</b>: some sessy times<br/></em>
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</div><p>It shouldn’t be weird that your husband lusts after you and that it feels good when he touches you. And it doesn’t <em>feel</em> weird – it feels fantastic and long overdue. But the thought of it – you didn’t plan this, you didn’t choose him and, frankly, you could do better than him, or so you thought for a long time, whatever <em>better</em> meant; it’s the <em>thought</em> that’s keeping you back.</p><p>“Aw, fuck.” - he breathed, closing his eyes,  two thick fingers plunging in and out of you pussy, already imagining the sopping squelching heat pulsing around his cock. Jesus fucking Christ, it’s been so long and he just needed to fuck. Needed to have a pussy envelop him, engulf him, drain him of frustrations and all this fucking cum he just needs to dump out, clear his fucking head. He pulled out his fingers, thickly coated, and indulged in playing with your pussy, the folds, the juices, feeling you and teasing you after so much time. – “You’re so fucking wet, you want it so much, you slut.”</p><p>Annoyed in your own right, and not appreciating the moniker, you closed your eyes to shut his stupid face out. – “Fuck you, you’ve been fucking licking me and bouncing me all day. This is just an automatic response…”</p><p>“I love it, you love it too, fucking admit it.” – he scooted closer, pushing you further against the seat and window, working your neck and earlobe furiously, wanting to consume you, bite you, eat you up.</p><p>“Ugh!” – you kept moaning in arousal, and grunting in exasperation, feeling yourself rapidly hurtling towards an orgasm and just wanting to feel that relief, finally, and then shove him the fuck off of you. –“Shit, what the fuck I am doing?” – you asked yourself out loud as you opened you eyes to look at him, at the empty train, the harsh light. Getting finger fucked in public by this asshole, fucking loving it against all odds.</p><p>He bit down on your ear, rather hard, ordering you through gritted teeth. – “Squeeze my fingers. I want you to squeeze your cunt on me so hard I can’t move.”</p><p>You did as told, holding his unmoving fingers as you felt the pressure in you build more and more, mouth falling open in effort. The look on your face, your heavy breathing under him, the feeling of having you and doing what he wanted, it was overwhelming. - “Aw, fuck.”- he muttered, out of breath himself, and you felt him stop biting and swirling his tongue over your skin as he palmed his hard cock in his pants, badly needed attention himself. – “I’m gonna fuck you so hard when I get you home. Stretch you the fuck out here, and fuck you right on the floor. You fucking hear that?” – he was talking more to himself at first, but a deep, powerful clench around his fingers in response brought him back to the moment and he pressed his forehead against yours, not wanting to miss any of the small things he was causing you to do.</p><p>“Yes.”- you said, in response to him, and in response to your body, signaling to you were about to be awash in relief.</p><p>“You want that?” – he asked, needed to hear more, hear it again.</p><p>“Uh huh.” – you nodded, barely able to keep eye contact with him so close, biting your lips to keep to making too much noise.</p><p>“Don’t fucking bite your lips at me, whore, I’ve been dying to fuck you for months. I should fucking not let you cum at all.” – he clenched his jaw, feeling his eyes get hot and watery, thinking how his cock would jump eagerly if he heard you beg. – “You’re so fucking close, look at you.” – he hissed, feeling you tighten around him more and more. – “You want me to stop?” – he asked, not stopping, but in fact, working you faster and harder.</p><p>You shook your head, knowing you would crumble into pieces any second and feeling all your muscles start to seize up in anticipation.</p><p>“No? Come here.” –  he finally released his own straining cock to grab the back of your neck, covering your mouth with his and licking into it and around it, wanting to suck and lick up every breath and noise you made as you finally snapped.</p><p>You managed to keep your noises at a strangled whimper as you came, rigid and overheated, release and pleasure flowing through you and into Adam as he stayed holding you, riding the tide until it entirely dissipated and you slacked, catching your breath and a small, satisfied smile lit up your face.</p><p>To your surprise, you felt him kissing your forehead, now slightly damp, long and gentle, before giving you a few juicy, smacking kisses on the lips as you both readjusted yourselves. You weren’t sure what you expected; more swearing? Degradation? For him to ignore you? But he was at his sweetest and gentlest and it had caught you off guard.</p><p>Soon, it was time to disembark and make your way home on wobbly legs.</p><p>*</p><p>True to his word, he already started working you as you entered the building, already removing clothes as you fumbled with the key several times, his thrusts against your ass and hips, and hair pulls, making you miss the lock every time.</p><p>“Just fucking get it open or I’ll have to fuck you in the hallway.” – he whined, lifting up your dress and already tugging at your panties again.</p><p>“Keep still, you animal, I can barely see what I’m doing.” – you pushed an elbow into his ribs blindly and he bit your shoulder in retaliation.</p><p>As soon as you were in, he wrapped his arms around you and lowered you safely and carefully to the floor as he kicked the door behind him and it shut with a bang.</p><p>You were more than ready for him, so he didn’t bother with anything other than shoving his aching, weeping dick in your heat and shuddering as he did – he could have fucking cried to finally feel himself sink into a wet, hot cunt and let his body take over.</p><p>You had no recollection of your previous time – times? Two and a half? – with him, but you imagined it must have been an adjustment. You were more ready and heated up than probably ever before in your life and he had no problem sliding in, but Christ almighty, he was a lot, and everywhere, places you forgot could be filled, and in any other circumstance, it easily could have been too much, too fast, too hard.</p><p>But now, it was just right. You needed to be dicked down and let your hormones finally spike and drain, making you more slippery and eager than you could remember being before, and he needed to fuck, snap his hips into something, into you, and have the relief and connection than no hand, no porn, no toy – only a woman, as desperate for him as he was for her – could provide.</p><p>You both came fast and intensely, needing a long while to come down and steady your breathing, even longer to trust your jelly bodies enough to stand up, clean up and get ready for bed.</p><p>No more words were exchanged that night and you soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.</p><p>*</p><p>You were woken up by a heavy, hot body wrapping itself around you and a supremely heavy, hot dick rubbing itself up and down against you.</p><p>Well, you invited this vampire over you threshold, you thought as your own body warmed up to idea of another encounter with your husband, and he fucked you quietly and with focus, as you half slept, only waking up after you came and stretched your body out, satisfaction coursing through you.</p><p>“It’s never taken longer and I’ve never done more just to get laid.”- he informed you out of nowhere as he again sidled up to your body. – “We’re fucking married and we’re having a baby and it <em>still</em> took months. That first night was false advertizing.” – you laughed and put a palm over his sleepy face, smooshing it in response.</p><p>He got up and grabbed a washcloth to clean you up. – “This is messier, but it feels great to be carefree and cum inside you.” – he blurted out.</p><p>A sudden, irrational embarrassment came over you; he was talking so candidly and being very free with himself and you were simply not there in terms confidence in and with him. So you just nodded, because he was kind of right. – “Yeah, I guess. It’s funny, cuz who knows? This may never happen again, if I don’t have any more kids.” – you noted, more as a point of curiosity.</p><p>“Yeah, and you’re still not so far along that it stops you from enjoying yourself.”</p><p>“Mhm.” – you sighed, a ghost of that intense pleasure still in your blood.</p><p>“Yeah…” – Adam repeated, feeling his body slowly tingle and heat up again. – “So…?”</p><p>You bit back a smile, deciding to use your husband the way a husband is supposed to be used – for good fresh dick when you feel like it and to reach high places. - “Do you maybe feel like succumbing to that temptation we once discussed? Again?”</p><p>“I’ll be ready in about ten.” – he grinned, feeling like it would probably be even sooner than that.</p><p>*</p><p>A few weeks passed and life was fine. You satiated your bodily needs successfully, though Adam sometimes got mouthy and it rubbed you the wrong way. But meh, you probably rubbed him in all sorts of wrong ways too. The dick was good and you were cumming, so you had no reason to complain.</p><p>You had both moved on to different projects work-wise. You had finished a job with some show that was shooting on and off for the last few months and were free to take on new things, although Adam started suggesting you should maybe take it easy.</p><p>He also started work on yet another play, some experimental thing that you only half listened to him describe. Those things were pointless and incomprehensible anyway, so you didn’t bother too much.</p><p>*</p><p>One day, as he was getting ready, you showed up out of nowhere.</p><p>You found out that your coworker had accepted to work on this play, but in the meantime, got a better, more long-term offer and was debating quitting. So you made it easy for her and jumped in.</p><p>Adam had no idea and you wanted to surprise him. It would be funny to see his reaction, you told yourself, but in a quieter part of your mind, you also knew you wanted him to know you supported him. Your disdain for many aspects of his chosen career was evident without you having to verbalize it, but it was the right career <em>for him</em> and you thought it was only right to do something nice for him as well.</p><p>You just appeared behind him and started grabbing some brushes when he rose and stiffened in his chair. He looked at you like you were a ghost and you shot him a quick questioning look before resuming your work.</p><p>“Hey?” – he asked more than greeted.</p><p>“Hey.” – you said back, not containing a smirk.</p><p>He narrowed his eyes at you as you faced him and got some powder to dab on his forehead.</p><p>“You’re… working here?” – he asked, eyes literally sparkling with hope and delight at the prospect.</p><p>“Mhm.” – you hummed, tilting his head to the side to see where you needed to apply.</p><p>“You’re working on my play?” – he asked facing the opposite wall, more confidently.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s like, you know, whatever.” – you shrugged, your put-on casual tone not masking your true amusement.</p><p>“So… you’re… Ahh!” – he exclaimed, moving his face from your hands, making you drop the jar you were holding and grabbing you, bubbling with excitement. He wanted to do five things at once, yell and laugh, and squeeze you and kiss you, and tell everyone his wife is joining the crew, but it all came out in an excited grunt and him burying his head in your chest, motorboating you, to the amusement of the other people dotted around the room.  </p><p>*</p><p>After the run through, that you stayed for, he literally skipped on over to you to make you laugh, and succeeding, to ask what you thought.</p><p>It was the exact pointless and incomprehensible nonsense you were expecting, so you started giving some vague compliment-adjacent statements, about the complexity and how it was thought out and sprawling…</p><p>Adam wasn’t stupid. He knew what you were doing.</p><p>Once he more sternly asked for your real opinion, you had to spill it. - “It’s kind of mixed in its message, I thought.”- you said, as non-critically as you were able. – “Like a gimmick.”</p><p>“You think it’s dumb.” – his face fell and then stilled, trying to conceal just how disappointed he felt. – “You think my job is dumb and I’m dumb for doing it.” – he continued, his own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy jumping out.</p><p>You thought for a moment before replying. – “Sometimes.”- you admitted. – “What I do is stupid too.” – you added honestly. – “I put different shades of brown clay on people’s faces because we don’t like to see real skin. I’m a part of the problem here. And I don’t really second guess it. I mean, I do obviously, I’m not an idiot. But you don’t. You love your job and you surrender yourself to it fully. That’s amazing, that’s rare. So I’m not gonna second guess you either, it’s your job, you’re good at it, you love it, I love you, or whatever, and that’s all I need to know.”</p><p>He tilted his head, looking at you like a math problem. – “You love me?”</p><p>“Or whatever!” – you emphasized, bringing up an index finger, only then realizing what you had said.</p><p>You waited for him to say it back – realizing you had been sure up until that moment that if you ever did say something like this to him, he would jump at the chance to get closer to you and say it back. Or just say something nice in return? But he just looked at the floor, processing your estimation of his job and you accidental declaration, giving you way too much time to get in your head and start doubting everything.</p><p>I mean, you sorta did. Right? You loved your childhood pet – that would be the right word to use. And you definitely loved your 35 pan neutrals palette. And you, in a way, loved some of your coworkers, they were great people. And you… loved? Adam in a way. He was fine. Pretty splendid in some ways. Certainly treated you well, for the most part. And he’s been around you for months now, making himself a big part of your life. I mean, that <em>would</em> be the right word to use? You weren’t madly in love or anything, but it was a kind of love. Wasn’t it?</p><p>He certainly wasn’t helping you at all. Not making this easy in any way. Shooting back a quick <em>Love ya too</em>. Even acknowledging what you said. He just kept looking at the ground, kicking invisible stones as he shuffled closer, bending his dumb, weird body at you, making stupid satisfied faces before you balled up a fist and hit his dumb chest in protest and he kissed you in response.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Wow, it's been a minute, huh?<br/>It took some work to get into the right mood for this story and then this chapter came out. I thought it would be much shorter and that the focus would be elsewhere, but then I decided to give this little episode some more attention. The good news is that the next chapter is about halfway done and tiny spoiler alert - things continue to be grim in a sense, but we get some nice developments too.<br/>Thank you to anyone who still cares to read this little story &lt;3<br/>And a huge thank you to my dear Ariadne who made sure I never gave up on this little dad!Sackler world.<br/>You'll notice the timeline jumps around here and there, some canon stuff is slightly altered to fit around the story, but the main thread and spirit is still there.</p>
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    <p>*</p><p>Adam viewed it as taking care of you.</p><p>Reading up on pregnancy? Giving you a massage? Watching and keeping track of cravings? Pulling you on his lap or laying you on a bunch of pillows and wringing out however many orgasms you were in the mood for? It all fell under his part of the bargain.</p><p>So while he may have been having the time of his life, you perched on his lap, tits in his face, fuller and supple, fucking delicious to lick and suck and bite, two fingers deep in you, slicked up and swollen, gripping his neck so hard you were at risk of ripping his head clean off his shoulders, sliding himself in just for a few quick pumps and cumming all over himself like some overeager virgin, he told himself this was just marriage business. There had been no more mention of the spooky L word after that impromptu L-bomb and you were both just trying to move ahead peacefully.</p><p>You were too proud to ever bring it up again, he knew that much by now, and he was too proud in his own way. He didn’t want <em>I guess I love you or whatever</em>. He wanted real, unequivocal, unapologetic love and he yearned to give it back, but he just never knew what you were really thinking.</p><p>Sometimes, like now, you’d sit on him and let him stay inside, giggle in your afterglow and kiss him, small pecks over his face or long, luxurious makeouts, while other times you’d just let him get up and grab a washcloth and be on your phone before he even got back.</p><p>Sometimes, he’d tease you, asking if you loved how he feels, how he fucks you, if you loved his cock, just asking again and again until he heard <em>love</em> from your lips again, other times he’d call you a whore and a tease and frigid bitch in his head, or even out loud. That got him slapped once, told off and sent to hell or to go fuck himself a couple times, but it also made you gush around him or cum out of nowhere. He didn’t know what the fuck to think.</p><p>So he just tried to tell himself to think of it all as service. Maintenance. Marriage business.</p><p>*</p><p>The night that experimental play was premiering, you were just having an awful day. Every discomfort that came with pregnancy was in full effect – swollen feet that you could barely stuff into shoes, breakout, backache, heartburn. You felt like a mess and there was no convincing you you looked fine. Superficial, yes, but none of it was doing your mood and self-esteem any favors.</p><p>Nothing very cute to wear either, you opted for your dressiest maternity tights, Adam’s baggiest hoodie that hardly zipped over your bump and natural looking makeup that all felt like half-heartedly polishing a turd.</p><p>You were hoping to run into as few people as possible, a) because the people in Adam’s life predominantly sucked (his words, not yours, but yours too) and b) because you felt like shit.</p><p>Hannah was unmistakable, with the demeanor and gait of a toddler, energy-draining even from afar. You were forced to shake her hand and meet her cute boyfriend as Ray said hi to you and you quickly came up with a lie to excuse yourself, saying you had to go find some friends in the crowd, just to get away.</p><p>The idea of the play wasn’t necessarily the worst, it’s just these things never felt fully cooked and you just didn’t get what the ultimate point was. You went around a few rooms, getting tired and irritating your already wonky back, wanting to find Adam, see one performance of his, fulfilling your duty on paper, and then step out and sit somewhere where you’d be undisturbed.</p><p>So, from what you could gather, Adam was playing some closeted gay dude? You were in enough physical discomfort and emotional turmoil at being <em>perceived</em> at your least attractive and presentable so you were taking relatively little in. Trapped in a loveless marriage? With some pretty close to the surface anger issues? Cool, that should be easy to pull off, he had had a lot of practice the last few months. The thought amused you and you wished you had dragged along a friend with you – although, it’s not like you confided in any of them about your situation. Sooner or later, you would have to accept this is your life now. Your husband, ew, you could still never get used to that word, does the most insufferable job on the planet and it’s your duty to support him and your friends would need to accept it too and grit their teeth and support you. It was the circle of insufferability and support. But you had no friends tonight. What a shame, because that was a killer joke. You wondered if Adam would appreciate it if you told it to him later.</p><p>You assumed their scene was over when he retreated to the window to smoke and you made your way out, sitting in the space between the buildings, thinking about dipping out and having some tea somewhere until the play finished.</p><p>To pass the time and seem like you were an interested spectator, you looked around the other rooms from the outside, people either taking breaks or performing their scenes.</p><p>Funny how everybody’s hanging out around windows. You know how you’re <em>aaalways</em> hanging around a window normally? Having pivotal, character-revealing conversations with your family or friends? Right there, by the window. It’s the hip cool thing to do, daddy-o.</p><p>While you were counting down the time for this thing to end, you people watched and tried to gauge the audience’s reactions. Some were into it, others were just pretentious people who defined themselves as viewing plays as opposed to movies, and some just didn’t care or didn’t get it. Your eyes eventually fell on a girl with long blond hair who was sitting right on the fire escape  by Adam’s window, looking at him with stars in her eyes and you assumed it was another actress. What he performed earlier didn’t imply to you that he was supposed to have a mistress – he might have had a <em>mister</em> at best if you were any judge of contextual clues. So you observed her for a little while, looking back to the window where he gazed out and smoked, finishing up and ostensibly going back to perform his scene again. When he was gone, you turned to see what she would do, but then you realized she was wearing totally modern clothing, just hipsterish -  and felt your teeth gnash instantly. You tried to stop, but it was out of your control, jaw squeezing to the point of pain, a scream gathering at the base of your throat. Fighting against the lump in it, you managed to swallow and take a deep breath.</p><p>Calm down. Really, you should get used to this. Adam was handsome in his own way - I mean, he got you into bed the night he met you, so this sort of thing, some girl with a crush, will probably be a regular occurrence. Even if he didn’t say I love you - like a real prick, it had to be said - you knew he was committed to your arrangement. So ultimately it didn’t matter that she was turning into a puddle over there. Breathe. </p><p>When you could walk again and fury wasn’t blinding you, you wandered around until you found the crew and just asked to hang around with them until the play was over. They assumed it was just some pregnant lady business, offering you stuff like water, cushions, vapes… Eventually, they backed off and you just blasted your angriest music on your phone until it was time to go.</p><p>Hannah and Jessa were having their strange <em>we love and hate each other and we fucked the same guy</em> moment and both stopped when you came into view. Hannah was already in tears and her boyfriend with the matching haircut looked like he was in as much distress as you. Maybe you two could be friends? He probably could use someone who was equally at risk of losing their mind.</p><p>There was no time to ponder that as the realization of who the blond girl was hit you. All this convincing yourself that it would all be fine and you could forget all about her after tonight felt like a brick wall of lies that was now collapsing on you and crushing you. There you were, tired, annoyed, broken out, barely fitting into anything, feeling betrayed by your own life and body, with nothing that could make you feel better about it in this moment, and there she was, in her quirky little girl outfit, mermaid hair and body that just cried out to be used and fucked.</p><p>You’d fuck her, you had no qualms about admitting that. Of course you would. Especially if you were a man. She would make it easy, like she’s making it easy now. She would do and say things a self-respecting wife wouldn’t, because she wanted to be respected long-term and you don’t shit where you eat. Jessa was the kind of woman who shat and ate everywhere, at everyone’s table and there was no stopping her. And men enjoyed that. Especially if everything sucked around them. Like if they had a frigid wife and their life was turned upside down.</p><p>She cast her eyes to your midsection, covered by his hoodie and you reflexively stuck your hands in pockets to cover it. Her face was grave and sad when she worked out who you were and as she looked up, to appraise your face and reaction, you turned as fast as you could, feeling nausea surge and almost gag you, and hot tears burn at your eyes. To avoid walking past her, you headed in the opposite direction on wobbly legs, even though it was the wrong way.</p><p>From the noises and bits of conversation you could hear, you put together both of the girls were shamelessly trying to bait Adam into conversation. His deep voice carried furthest, asking someone about where you were. He then spotted you, staying as far away from the people dotted around and chatting or leaving, trying to just get the fuck out of there before anyone saw your distraught reaction or you did something you would cringe to remember.</p><p>Adam took a few long strides towards you, flatly ignoring everyone else, and tried to take your hand so you could walk out together, but you shook your head. He tried again and you snatched it out of his grasp brusquely, staying as far from him as possible.  In your badly judged attempt to get away, you hit your shin against a fire hydrant and yelped out a <em>fuck</em>. Confused, Adam looked back at his two mistakes, wondering if they had done something to cause this.</p><p>To get away from him, you walked into the street and managed to run in front of an oncoming car that he had to let pass. – “Where are you going?” – he asked, annoyed at this behavior, but mostly confused and concerned.</p><p>“I need to go for a walk, clear my head. Go home.” – you waved him off and disappeared into the first alley you found, just needed to put some distance between you and all these people.</p><p>*</p><p>It was the first time you’d considered Adam’s options and temptations and it was clear there were many and they could be strong. It was the exact wrong thing to do, but you had to wonder what their relationships were like, what they did, how you compared to them… Especially on a day like this, when you yourself couldn’t deal with your own shit.</p><p>This was all such a big fucking stupid embarrassing mistake. And he would be in your life forever, one way or the other.</p><p>You were too tired and achy and eventually you just gave up and took a cab home, walking in no more than two minutes after Adam returned.</p><p>He stood in your apartment, head in hands and looked up when you entered, bracing like a wild animal just burst in and he would have to somehow manage this situation.</p><p>You just sat at the table and unzipped his hoodie, adjusting your clothes so they felt more comfortable.</p><p>“I thought you wanted to go for a walk.” – he stated, studying your face and body language.</p><p>You let out an angry huff and slammed your palms on the table in front of you. – ‘Well, turns out I can’t get very far.” – you said testily, shrugging. – “It hurts to live right now, okay? I know that sounds dramatic. But it hurts. And it sucks. To live n this shitty… fucking… pregnant… married body, it’s a nightmare. I can’t even go for a walk without falling apart.”</p><p>It hurt to hear <em>pregnant</em>, by him, and <em>married</em>, to him, as complaints. He thought about it too on the way home and concluded it had to have been seeing Hannah and Jessa that put you in this mood. You’d been weird for a couple of days already anyway, so this was probably just a culmination of some awful mood you were in. -“What’s the matter?” – he asked as compassionately as he could manage, his own usual response of hitting back with even shittier behavior when someone was hurting him rising and wanting to lash out, but he fought against it.</p><p>You thought you had cooled off a little, but as soon as he spoke, it was clear to you that you really had not. -  “Is there anyone you haven’t fucked in that cast? Crew? Audience? Maybe that old lady berating the kid for being queer two rooms downs?”</p><p>“No, I think I got ‘em all.” – he answered confidently now that he knew what your problem was.</p><p>“Alright, cool beans. I should probably congratulate you, feels like a fist bump is in order.” – you mirrored his flippant attitude and stood up to leave. – “Good night.”</p><p>Whatever else you may have been feeling, you were clearly also jealous. At least a little. Probably a good deal. That made Adam feel like he was floating on air, like he was finally getting through to you somehow. With a big happy grin, he walked behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle, cradling the belly and burying his face in your neck. – “That’s very cute. Let’s talk about this.”</p><p>“No.” – you said, shrugging to get his face away from you. – “I really don’t wanna.”</p><p>“You’ll feel better when we clear the air.” – Adam was smart enough to let you go when you showed that you didn’t want to be held, but he still kept one hand wrapped around your wrist.</p><p>“No, thanks, my dude. I’m good.” – you attempted a nonplussed tone that only revealed further how humiliatingly affected you were by this evening’s events.</p><p>“Okay, <em>dude</em>.” – he mocked, holding your wrist tighter. – “I get that you’re upset, but stop being a kid about this. Let’s talk.”</p><p>You stopped and tried to wiggle and twist your way out of his grip, but it was only too easy for him to keep hold of you. Finally, he turned you around and stood you up against the wall, facing him. – “First off, look at me when I’m talking to you.”</p><p>You closed your eyes, feeling like a petulant child even as you did, but you just couldn’t stand to be around him or look at him in your state of mind. – “I don’t think I want to.”</p><p>With a hand on your face, holding your jaw to keep you in place, noses almost touching, he squeezed just a little when you struggled to turn away. – “I’ll pry your eyes open if I have to.” – he threatened, sure that the tone would provoke you enough into engaging with him.</p><p>“Great, get violent with me. That’s a good way to build a strong family unit.”</p><p>“I’d never… Ughhh, god, you just don’t get me at all, do you?” – he groaned, pressing his forehead into yours as he tried to get his temper under control. – “Why don’t you admit what’s really making you upset, hm?” – he gave an exasperated laugh and you sighed.</p><p>“Who the fuck knows? It’s hormones, obviously, there’s been a lot off stuff happening…”</p><p>He sniggered increasingly as you gave your reasons. – “You. Are. Jea. Lous.” – he taunted. – “You have feelings for me. And you’re angry I didn’t say anything back when you…”</p><p>You punched hard enough on his chest to knock some air out of him and make him stop talking. - “I rest my case.” – he said in a strangled voice, rubbing on the spot you hit.</p><p>“Just because you happened to have fucked a baby up in me doesn’t mean I owe you anything.” – you spat and made to get out from his grasp, but he stopped you with a hand on the wall, barring you in, one leg pushing between yours so you were stuck in place.</p><p>“If you don’t feel like talking, I have another way to cheer you up.” – he smirked to himself, head dipping next to yours, first just breathing hot gusts of air as he felt around and slipped his hand inside your tights. You wrapped your hands around his elbow, but he was still able to feel up your hip, dip behind and grab your ass. – “You need to get fucked to clear your head. Trust me.”</p><p>You shook your head, but since you weren’t saying anything, his hand slipped between your thighs and fingers boldly did their work, knowing very well where to go and what you enjoyed by now, lips and teeth and tongue dancing across your neck. – “Adam…” – you tried to warn him, but your body seemed to have lost the <em>we’re angry</em> memo and too easily went with his advances.</p><p>“I know you’re tired, I’ll do all the work.” – he responded, thinking you’re just reluctant because of a long day.</p><p>“No.” – you finally managed a real refusal, wriggling your hips away and closing your legs as far as they would go.</p><p>He lifted his head from the crook of your neck, with a confused smile. Sex was the one thing he was unfailingly good at. This would take edge off, he knew it. It always worked with all the other girls. - “C’mon, don’t be silly. It’ll make you feel better.” – he insisted, giving you a quick peck before you could turn away and starting to roll his thumb again, just like you liked, with just the right amount of pressure…</p><p>“No!” – you yelled as loudly as you could into his ear, making him recoil and snatch his hand out of your pants, finally giving you some space. He froze when the noise stopped making his ears ring and looked you with a face full of pain and fury. You were screaming at him like he was over here trying to fucking rape you. Like he was some animal.</p><p>“Fine!” – he yelled in his booming voice, making you flinch and press up against the wall again. – “Jesus fucking Christ!”</p><p>You stumbled, keeping your back to the wall  and fumbled with the door handle, slamming it shut behind you and curling up on the bed.</p><p>Adam was smart enough not to even consider coming in, instead just making himself as comfortable as he could on the couch with the cushions that were either too soft or too hard, and the throw that was way too fucking short to cover him. He tossed around for a long time, fuming and balling up a fist to punch at the couch when the anger got to be too much. When he was exhausted, but still unable to sleep, that’s when the dread crept in.</p><p>When you refused sex, he felt like he was truly losing you. That was the one thing you were prepared to take from him and, coincidentally, it made him feel amazing too. So to refuse even that, he truly felt like he was, or could easily become, less than nothing to you. And he, absolute idiot that he was, had allowed himself to feel all of this… fucking crap for you. With a sinking, panicky feeling, he feared this was the beginning of the end for him.</p><p>You laid in bed quietly, fighting frustrated tears and losing a few times, hugging your belly and trying to remind yourself to be calm. Despite all the irrational thoughts and feelings battling in you, you knew you didn’t make it easy on Adam or yourself.  What was wrong with you – was this your life now?</p><p>*</p><p>So it turned out that no.</p><p>When you woke up the next morning, all the aches were gone from your body, and a strange, almost alien feeling of bliss and happiness at just waking up to a nice morning and a new day washed over you. You had energy, which was also a nearly forgotten sensation, and you felt like you could have the best day ahead just being alive and content.</p><p>And then you remembered the previous day and the absolute harridan you had been.</p><p>You let the cringe and remorse wash over you and determined to be as nice as you could to Adam. Even if he was pissed, which you wouldn’t be able to hold against him, even if he wanted to fight, even if he wanted to be all mean and mouthy as he fucked you – he could have it. Today was <em>make it up to your husband</em> day.</p><p>The door clicked open and you opened it just so, your nose and one apologetic eye peeking out. He turned around, standing in the kitchen and making some coffee.</p><p>“Morning.” – you greeted, voice muffled behind the door.</p><p>“You can come out, I won’t bite.” – Adam assured, tossing a glance over his shoulder and then turning his attention to the tall mug filling up. – “Or are <em>you</em> still biting?”</p><p>“Nope. Scout’s honor.” – you assured and timidly came out, still hating that you needed to apologize, even though you absolutely did. It just always sucked to have to swallow your pride.</p><p>“Coffee?” – he asked, not turning around, holding up one decaf pod in his hand in offer.</p><p>“Yes, please.” – you accepted and softly walked up to the table, debating whether to go up to him maybe cuddle up and hug him?, or just sit down.</p><p>Before you could decide, Adam turned around and leaned against the counter, with a strange look. Sad, and searching, serious.</p><p>He dreaded the conversation as much as you, if not more. Sure, logic dictated this was probably going to be an apology from you, but his scared, insecure self insisted that it would end up being the <em>this isn’t working out, I’m obviously too good for you</em> variety.</p><p>“If you wanna talk, at any point, I’m civilized again, so…we can.” – you said in a small voice, sounding more like an ashamed child than the rational adult you were aiming for.</p><p>He was still deliberating on what to say when there was a knock on the door. You both exchanged frowning, questioning looks, who the hell would be at your door first thing in the morning?</p><p>Adam set the coffee in front of you and went to open the door before you could even mutter a thank you.</p><p>“Tall Adam!” – you heard a happy greeting from the door and some cooing, rustling, muttering.</p><p>You could make out a few words like Caroline, gone, Sample, worried.</p><p>"You wanna say hi to your uncle Adam?" - a voice asked as it came in and approached the area where you were sitting, in old ratty PJs, face unwashed, stunned.</p><p>The question felt a slice right across your gut, leaving a queasy cold in its wake.</p><p>“Uncle?” – you asked, eyes darting from Adam to the skinny leathery stranger in a vaguely Rastafarian knitted hat, matching with the baby currently being pawned off on Adam. He took a deep breath and the stranger smiled awkwardly, also looking between the two of you. – “Is that like… term of endearment… for a friend?” - you asked, pretty sure already that it wasn't.</p><p>"No, it’s like a literal, familial… blood uncle type thing. Is that a thing?" - the guy stuttered out, twitchy and confused.</p><p>"I’m her uncle. This… is my sister’s kid." – Adam finally supplied, cutting Laird’s rambling short.</p>
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